A comedy consideration of the future of Saints football.
A heart-felt hallelujah could be heard across the Crescent City Tuesday (March 13), as word spread that Drew Brees, the most blessed of the Saints, signed a contract that should keep him in the Dome for two years. But there is reason to hope that his next 24-month stint is only the start.
Brees may be approaching the big FOUR-ZERO, but with the career longevity of players increasing and predictable changes to the game, No. 9 could be with us for lots longer than we could have dared hoped for in the past.
Imagine it’s 2043. Brees is considering retirement, but he may still have a few good season in him. After all, the game does not require the mobility it once did. In 2043,NFL football is played via Xbox by opposing teams seated on the line of scrimmage in reclining chairs.
The Amazon.com Superdome has been raised on stilts to avoid annual flooding caused when the polar icecap melted. Cheering is no longer permitted, since the city outlawed loud noises after BUKU Fest 2030, which could be heard in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Vegan, gluten-free, alcohol-free beer, which is delivered by drone, sells for $149. Alcohol was, of course, outlawed after the French Quarter Hand Grenade Cocktail Riot of 2028.
As everyone recalls, Brees missed seven games in 2040 with a whiplash injury when his self-driving Tesla violently dodged a pothole on Manning Avenue. The 63-year-old admits he may be less agile than he was in his 50s, when he won three virtual Super Bowls against Tom Brady of the New England Holograms.
“Will they still need me, will they still feed me, when I’m 64,” Brees wistfully asked, as he contemplated his future in New Orleans.
Hopefully the Saints can meet Brees’ annual salary demand of 22 Bitcoins, and Number 9 Number 9, Number 9 (imagine an echo) will soldier on into the future. But if Brees DOES choose to retire at 64, the Saints management says they are confident second-string quarterback Brett Favre is ready to step in.
Doug MacCash, who has the best job in the world, covering art, music, and culture in New Orleans, thanks the Beatles and photographer David Grunfeld for their help in preparing this story. Contact him via email at dmaccash@nola.com. Follow him on Twitter at Doug MacCash and on Facebook at Douglas James MacCash. As always, please add your point of view to the comment stream.
