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Reach Out: Ways To Help A Loved One At Risk Of Suicide

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If you know someone struggling with despair, depression or thoughts of suicide, you may be wondering how to help. Most Americans say they understand that…
If you know someone struggling with despair, depression or thoughts of suicide, you may be wondering how to help.
Most Americans say they understand that suicide is preventable and they would act to help someone they know who is at risk, according to a national survey conducted by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention in 2018.
Yet many of us are afraid to do the wrong thing. In fact, you don’t have to be a trained professional to help, says Doreen Marshall, a psychologist and the director of programs at the AFSP.
“Everyone has a role to play in suicide prevention,” she says. But “most people hold back. We often say, ‘Trust your gut. If you’re worried about someone, take that step.’ “
And that first step starts with simply reaching out, says Marshall. It may seem like a small thing, but survivors of suicide attempts and suicide experts say, it can go long way.
Simple acts of connection are powerful, says Ursula Whiteside, a psychologist and a faculty member at the University of Washington.
“Looking out for each other in general reduces [suicide] risk,” says Whiteside. “Because people who feel connected are less likely to kill themselves.”
And “the earlier you catch someone,” she adds, “the less they have to suffer.”
Here are nine things you can do that can make a difference.
Signs of suicide risk to watch for include changes in mood and behavior, Marshall says.
“For example, someone who is usually part of a group or activity and you notice that they stop showing up,” explains Marshall. “Someone who is usually pretty even tempered, and you see they are easily frustrated or angry.”
Other signs include feeling depressed, anxious, irritable or losing interest in things.
Pay attention to a person’s words, too.
“They may talk about wanting to end their lives or seeing no purpose or wanting to go to sleep and never wake up,” says Marshall. “Those are signs that they may be thinking about [suicide]. It may be couched as a need to get away from, or escape the pain.”
According to the AFSP, people who take their own lives often show a combination of these warning signs.
And the signs can be different for different individuals, says Madelyn Gould, a professor of epidemiology in psychiatry at Columbia University, who studies suicide and suicide prevention.
“For some people, it might be starting to have difficulty sleeping,” she says. Someone else might easily feel humiliated or rejected.
“Each one of these things can put [someone] more at risk,” explains Gould, “Until at some point [they’re] not in control anymore.”
So, what do you do when you notice someone is struggling and you fear they may be considering suicide?
Reach out, check in and show you care, say suicide prevention experts.
“The very nature of someone struggling with suicide and depression, [is that] they’re not likely to reach out,” says Marshall. “They feel like a burden to others.”
People who are having thoughts of suicide often feel trapped and alone, explains DeQuincy Lezine, a psychologist and a member of the board of directors of the American Association of Suicidology. He is also a survivor of suicide attempts.
When someone reaches out and offers support, it reduces their sense of isolation, he explains.
“Even if you can’t find the exact words [to say], the aspect that somebody cares makes a big difference,”says Lezine.
Questions like ‘Are you doing okay?’ and statements like ‘If you need anything, let me know,’ are simple supportive gestures that can have a big impact on someone who’s in emotional pain, explains Julie DeGolier, a medical assistant in Seattle and a survivor of suicide attempts. It can interrupt the negative spiral that can lead to crisis.
The website for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a list of dos and don’ts when trying to help someone at risk.
“Most people are afraid to ask about suicide, because they [think they] don’t want to put the thought in their head,” says Marshall. “But there’s no research to support that.”
Instead, she and other suicide prevention experts say discussing suicide directly and compassionately with a person at risk is key to preventing it.

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