What if you could re-imagine \u201cHamilton\u201d as an animated, historical-comedy-gorefest?<\/b>
\n\u201cAmerica: The Motion Picture\u201d Rated: R. On Netflix Grade: C- What if you could re-imagine \u201cHamilton\u201d as an animated, historical-comedy-gorefest, featuring a modern idiom-spewing George Washington (Channing Tatum) with chainsaws, a beer-inventing frat boy Sam Adams (Jason Mantzoukas), a one-armed, bitterly anti-colonial Geronimo (Raul Max Trujillo), a scientist named Thomas Edison (Olivia Munn), who turns out to be a Chinese immigrant and a woman and a werewolf Benedict Arnold (Andy Samberg)? Just in time for Independence Day, \u201cAmerica: The Motion Picture,\u201d featuring pop culture references and for some reason super-buff founding fathers, from director Matt Thompson (\u201cArcher\u201d), has some of the DNA of \u201cTeam America: World Police\u201d (2004) to be sure. But Thompson\u2019s sophomoric film, which was written by Dave Callahan (\u201cWonder Woman 1984,\u201d \u201cMortal Kombat\u201d), has little to none of Trey Parker and Matt Stone\u2019s raucous subversive and irreverent humor. In opening scenes, we learn that the famous words, \u201cWe the people,\u201d might have been, \u201cUs rich guys.\u201d Washington goes to Ford\u2019s theater with his buddy Abraham Lincoln (Will Forte) and Arnold. We hear some truly out-of-touch gay jokes. Instead of actor John Wilkes Booth, Arnold kills Lincoln by ripping his throat out, the start of an unfunny line of inquiry concerning the Gettysburg Address. Encouraged by hotly-drawn Martha (Judy Greer), who name checks the Lincoln Log, Washington assembles a team to conquer King James (Simon Pegg) and his army. Washington and his comrades enlist Paul Revere, who wears a suit of armor and rides a beloved horse named Clyde. How about a box containing a hand flipping the bird? King James is a loathsome glutton, who never leaves his rocket-powered throne and recalls Darth Vader. He kidnaps Martha and diabolically steeps her in tea to turn her into a Brit (Right?). Speaking of horses, the entire cast is saddled with unfunny dialogue. Only Samberg manages to be amusing because of how outlandish the voice he creates for Arnold sounds. We get jokes about a Washington and an Edison, whose names end in \u201cen\u201d instead of \u201con\u201d that are so lame they boggle the mind. One of the rules made up by British is, \u201cNo romcoms.\u201d To defeat King James, the home team must find a silver bullet to use to kill the werewolf Arnold. In order to do so, they enlist a blacksmith (Killer Mike, invoking the legendary Isaac Hayes), who happens to be Black and does not like white people much. He agrees to help, anyway, but only if they supply the silver. I\u2019m sure there is a way to make discounting science funny. But these filmmakers don\u2019t know it. You\u2019ve heard of Walmart. How about \u201cY\u2019all Mart?\u201d Got guns there? Washington and his cohorts stand outside a popular-with-the-British bar named Vietnam, convinced \u201cthey can go in and take it.\u201d This is a stretch so monumental you might dislocate something. The men patronize a strip club called \u201cMount Lust More.\u201d A final battle scene assembles screenwriter Callahan\u2019s go-to reference points: \u201cStar Wars,\u201d \u201cThe Lord of the Rings\u201d and \u201cTransformers\u201d movies. Earlier, the rebels accidentally sink the Titanic, but agree to pretend that it ran into an iceberg because they don\u2019t want the blame. Whose going to take the blame for \u201cAmerica: The Motion Picture?\u201d I\u2019ve got two words: Benjamin Franklin-stein. (\u201cAmerica: The Motion Picture\u201d contains violence, profanity and nudity)<\/p>\n