Though there were no film acting roles on George Michael\u2019s CV, the late singer could still claim to have worked with Lindsay Anderson , the legendary Free Cinema pioneer and director of the influential and incendiary 1968 film If… (not to mention former film critic of this parish).
Both men\u2019s obituary writers tended to overlook this unlikely collaboration but then that\u2019s scarcely surprising given that it never really saw the light of day \u2013 at least not in the form that Anderson intended.
He was at an odd stage of his career in the early 1980s. He had been on both sides of the critical divide, having made a rare acting appearance in 1981 in the widely-adored, Oscar-winning Chariots of Fire before then facing critical opprobrium and public indifference in 1982 for his savage state-of-the-nation satire Britannia Hospital , which used the ailing institution of the title as a metaphor for the country.
He turned down another acting role, as the Emperor in Return of the Jedi , and was having his usual difficulty getting a movie off the ground when he was offered the chance to return to his documentary roots by shooting a film about the first western pop group to play in China. That group was Wham!
Anderson, who was then almost 62-years-old, was reluctant at first, as he so often was. \u201cHave I the energy? The curiosity? The conviction?\u201d he wrote in his diary after being offered the job in March 1985. \u201cHow on earth have two (lower) middle class boys from Watford managed to transform themselves into these vibrant figures of pop myth\u2026? It\u2019s a complete mystery.\u201d
Still, he pressed on, and had lunch with George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley. \u201cI have really nothing to say to them: confident, bright, uninteresting, respectable, of the Eighties . .. I get the impression they will be reasonably cooperative. Certainly not inspiring.\u201d
The trip was not, all things considered, a huge success. Anderson suffered some medical setbacks. He had rheumatism so severe that he had to use the fingers on his left hand to prise open the ones on his right. Then he tore a ligament while shooting at the Great Wall of China.
He learned that Michael didn\u2019t like being photographed and so the film became more of a portrait of the Chinese people and the gentle culture clash that occurred with Wham! in their midst.
In 1986, Anderson admitted that he had accepted the commission \u201cin a spirit of curiosity. Curiosity about China and curiosity about the odd confrontation of China and Wham! \u2013 and even a certain curiosity, not very great, about the phenomenon of Wham! itself.\u201d
But during shooting it dawned on him that he was \u201cnot engaged to direct a film of Wham! in China \u2013 I was engaged to occupy the position of director .\u201d
A rough cut, titled If You Were There , was viewed by the band\u2019s managers, Simon Napier-Bell and Jazz Summers, in October 1985. Though it was incomplete, suggestions and criticisms were put to Anderson, who responded by writing personally to Michael:
\u201c[Y]ou know that when people who don\u2019t really understand the creative process \u2013 whether it is film or music \u2013 start formulating criticisms and making demands on a work in progress, it is only too easy for the whole enterprise to founder. .. Jazz and Simon both seem terrified of you \u2013 which may be useful sometimes but at other times can be dangerous. I certainly have enough respect for your creative verve and intelligence not to be scared to show you the work, and of course, to be interested in your feelings about it.\u201d
Michael never replied to the letter (though he did see Wham! in China! , as it was now called, at a screening which Anderson said \u201cwent extremely well\u201d). The director heard in November that the film was being taken off him and recut.
The finished film moved Wham! to the forefront and China to the background. In the course of researching a Radio 4 documentary about Anderson in 2008, the journalist John Harris saw Anderson\u2019s cut and called it , \u201ca rich, poetic, panoramic portrait of China\u2019s strangeness to the eyes of outsiders\u2026\u201d
Its defining flaw, according to Michael, was that it hadn\u2019t felt \u201cmodern\u201d enough.
Anderson died in 1994. His archive is at the University of Stirling and letters held there reveal his fury at the butchering of his film. He called Michael, \u201ca shivering aspirant plucked out of the street, who turns almost overnight into a tyrant of fabulous wealth, whose every command his minions must dash to execute\u201d and \u201ca young millionaire with an inflated ego. . [whose] vision only extends to the top 10 . .. It\u2019ll be interesting to see if there\u2019s any limit to his reckless autocracy.\u201d
Michael apparently blocked a proposed screening at Stirling of Anderson\u2019s version. Andy Stephens, the singer\u2019s then-manager called it \u201ca dreadful film\u201d. But Anderson told his diary: \u201cI do think that between them the Whammies have destroyed, or suppressed, an enjoyable, informative, entertaining and at times even beautiful film.\u201d
The original cut is available to view privately at Stirling. Whether Michael\u2019s death means that it will now be made more widely available (as with, say, Stanley Kubrick and A Clockwork Orange ) is another matter. For now it will have to carry on being the answer to a pub quiz question as well as a jigsaw piece, out-of-reach if not exactly missing, for completists of singer and filmmaker alike.
Doon was doing nothing, just killing time, while he waited for his mam to finish at meeting. Once she went down the steps into the basement he got out of there. The hour was too long to wait and he did not like seeing the others. There was always one freshly dire specimen hanging around outside, wrung-eyed and jitter-limbed and making a pitiable hames of trying to light up a cigarette. Sometimes he recognised the parent of some kid out of his class. He didn\u2019t want to see the parents and he didn\u2019t want them to see him. The meetings were another world. His mam went down there and an hour later she came back out.
He did laps of the town with his hoodie up. The drawstrings of his hoodie had little laminate tubes at the end that flailed as he walked. It was autumn, blond and ochre and umber leaves matted together and turning to slick mush underfoot. He was wearing dark olive combat boots laced tight, the ends of his combat trousers crimped into the tops of the boots. Passing an apartment block he saw something on the blue wooden slats of a bench seat. It was a wallet. He commended himself for noticing it and kept right on walking. As he walked he clenched his stomach muscles, an isometric exercise to promote definition and also a means of keeping warm.
He browsed a Men\u2019s Fitness magazine in a newsagents, reread three times an article detailing the correct techniques for executing power cleans and deadlifts off the rack, and bought a large raspberry slushie. He\u2019d loved slushies as a kid. Every six months or so, usually in one of the small newsagents still scattered around the town, he\u2019d notice the plastic rotors mesmerically churning the blue- and blood-coloured ice in their transparent bins, and would buy one. Only after tasting it would he remember how nauseating they were. Three strawfuls in and there was already the sickly sensation of the syrup turning in his stomach and a bout of brainfreeze running through his head like static.
He went a few doors down, into the lobby of the Western Range Hotel. Still stubbornly sucking on the slushie, he strolled into the hotel bar. The bar was a spacious rectangle of smoked glass, carved teak and piped muzak, and went back a long way. Four men in suits were stalled by the counter, luggage cases on wheels poised beside them like immaculately behaved pets. A pair of them bid goodbye to the others, and headed towards the lobby. Doon watched the automated doors, the way they seemed to flinch before smoothly and decisively giving way. To escape the chatter of the remaining men he went and stood at the far end of the room. A recessed bank of floor-to-ceiling windows yielded a direct view on to the town\u2019s main street, already streaming with Saturday morning shoppers. He watched the flow of bodies, the pockets of arrest within the flow. Directly across the street was the gated rear entrance to the county district court. The gating was innocuous, black bars without identifying signage, and if you did not know it led into the court, you would not have been able to tell. The gate was ajar, a concrete step leading down into the narrow mouth of an alley. In the alley a tall redheaded woman in a suit jacket was urgently conferring with a rough unit on one crutch. The man\u2019s smashed-and-resmashed-looking face, the colour of baked clay, was tilted towards the sky. It was impossible to tell his age. He was leaning on his crutch and staring into the blazing nullity of the sky as the woman attempted to direct his attention to something in the heavy-looking black ledger she was holding tucked against her diaphragm. A page lifted up, levitated free of the ledger and fluttered down the street. The woman cursed, slammed closed the ledger, and stooped after the page as it curlicued along at shin level. The man turned his face from the sky and stared with bovine dispassion at her scooting, bobbing rump.
\u201cYou can\u2019t eat that in here.\u201d
Doon turned. The barman was behind him, a kid not much older than Doon with awry lugs glowing either side of his head, his black barman\u2019s shirt squeezed over a snub-nosed paunch.
\u201cI\u2019m not eating anything.\u201d
\u201cThat.\u201d The barman pointed at the slushie. \u201cCan\u2019t eat that in here.\u201d
\u201cDon\u2019t make me correct you again, I\u2019m not eating anything,\u201d Doon said, and took an emphatic suck of the slushie. From the depth of the plastic cup came a clotted suctioning noise that reminded him of being at the dentist: Snnnrgggkkk.
\u201cC\u2019mon man,\u201d the barman said, his fussy little face turning the same colour as his lugs. \u201cJust go finish it outside.\u201d
\u201cYou get at all your potential customers like this?\u201d
\u201cYou\u2019re not a customer.\u201d
\u201cCould\u2019ve been a case I was about to be.\u201d
Snnnrgggkkk .
\u201cEven if you want something, you\u2019ve to finish that outside first.\u201d
Snnnrgggkkk .
\u201cSo no one\u2019s allowed just stand here for five minutes, make their mind up on giving you their custom.\u201d
\u201cNot no one,\u201d the barman said, \u201cbut you\u2019re you. You\u2019ve to take that outside.\u201d
\u201cNah.\u201d
\u201cC\u2019mon.\u201d
\u201cThis is profiling, lad,\u201d Doon said.
The two men remaining at the bar were watching this exchange. The older, a tall lean man with grey hair, laughed, then cut the air with his hand, like enough.
\u201cLad\u2019s got a point,\u201d the grey-haired man said to the barman, indicating Doon with a nod of his head.
\u201cWe have a policy,\u201d the barman croaked.
\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d The man went on, \u201cHarass the kid with the skint head and hoodie? So he\u2019s eating a slushie, so what? I worked in a bar myself when I was a young buck. Just let the shift see itself out if it\u2019s going quiet, lad and don\u2019t give patrons grief that aren\u2019t giving you grief.\u201d
Snnnrgggkkk .
\u201cSee, listen to the oul fella,\u201d Doon said and grinned at the man.
The man grinned back.
\u201cLet\u2019s resolve this simply,\u201d the man said, taking out his wallet. \u201cI\u2019ll get him something, so then he counts as a customer, and we can all let him finish his drink in peace. Do you want a Coke or a coffee, lad?\u201d
\u201cPint of Guinness, fella,\u201d Doon said.
\u201cHa, now, lad. What age are you? I\u2019ll buy you a coffee but I\u2019m not buying a minor a pint on a Saturday morning.\u201d
Doon took an extended, convulsive suck of the slushie\u2019s remnants as the barman beetled in behind the counter. When it was empty, Doon placed the cup on the bartop.
\u201cYou\u2019re alright so then. Coffee\u2019s worse for you than drink,\u201d Doon said. He considered the two men again, and grinned. \u201cYou boys are in a savagely dapper condition for this town, even of a Saturday afternoon. Is there a wedding in or something?\u201d
The men smiled at each other. The younger one, who had a V-shaped hairline with a bald patch spreading out from his crown, like Zinedine Zidane, shook his head. \u201cWe were in for a convention. Sales conference for the NorthWest Connaught Regional Estate Agents Association.\u201d
\u201cChrist, I lost interest halfway through that sentence,\u201d Doon said.
The grey-haired man grinned again.
\u201cSo,\u201d the barman interjected, but talking to the man, not Doon. \u201cDid you want a coffee then, or?\u201d
\u201cYou heard me decline the fella, didn\u2019t you?\u201d Doon sneered. Now he turned his back on the men, to focus his ire squarely upon the barman. \u201cCongratulations, son, three souls in your dying-on-it\u2019s-hole bar and you\u2019re successfully chasing a third of them off. Profiling is what you were doing.\u201d
Doon began walking backwards towards the lobby, his face bright with contempt.
\u201cYour mam\u2019ll be well proud. Speaking of which, tell her I said hello,\u201d Doon said, and stuck his raspberry-coated tongue all the way out.
He heard the two men behind him chuckle again and his leading heel struck something. \u201cWatch,\u201d he heard the grey-haired man say as he swung his other heel into place alongside the first. He turned, knocking over the carry cases. \u201cJesus,\u201d Doon said, stepping across the two men at the exact moment they stepped forward to right their luggage. \u201cSorry,\u201d he said, feinting to step one way, then another, but somehow ending up still between them and the cases. He faced the grey-haired man and grabbed hold of his forearms, as if balancing or restraining him. The man stepped back and Doon stepped with him, like a dance partner.
\u201cSorry, lads, sorry,\u201d he said to the man. He was close to the man\u2019s face. The man\u2019s face was indrawn and baffled. Then Doon stepped off him. He turned, picked up and righted the man\u2019s case.
\u201cI\u2019m all of a daze with the harassment,\u201d he said, gripping the case\u2019s handle and yanking it twice to extend it out, before offering the handle to the man. The man looked at it, looked at Doon, and took it. Doon was already walking straight towards the automated doors.
He went through the lobby and out on to the street. He looked left and right, because that\u2019s what people do. He checked the wallet, took the nice big fifty, left the two tens and a fiver. He went back in, said, \u201cFound that outside, doll,\u201d to the best-looking receptionist, dropped the wallet on the counter and went straight back out again.
***
His mother, as usual, was one of the first ones out. She came straight up the steps with her head facing forward and did not look back. She handed him the car keys and they walked towards the car park. They passed the apartment block. The wallet was still there, on the bench, and the instant Doon knew his mother would see it, she did. She stopped. \u201cLook at that wallet some eejit\u2019s after leaving there.\u201d
\u201cCome on,\u201d Doon said.
\u201cCheck it to see if it says whose it is,\u201d she said, nudging him.
Doon stayed in place. \u201cLeave it. It\u2019s not our concern.\u201d
His mam looked at Doon and smiled. \u201c\u2018 Not our concern ,\u2019\u201d she repeated. \u201cChrist lad, where you get your talk from sometimes. You sound like a policeman.\u201d
\u201cA policeman\u2019d be over there rooting through it with his big snout.\u201d
\u201cI don\u2019t mean the sentiment,\u201d his mam said, \u201cI mean the tone.\u201d
\u201cFeck off,\u201d Doon said.
\u201cNow, now, don\u2019t be regressing to sewer-mouthery just cos I\u2019ve hit a nerve.\u201d
\u201cYou\u2019ve NOT touched a nerve,\u201d Doon snapped.
She placed her hand on his neck.
\u201cI mean you\u2019ve got this authority to you,\u201d she said. \u201cIt\u2019s just your way. My lad. Soul of a policeman.\u201d
Colin Barrett\u2019s debut short story collection, \u201cYoung Skins\u201d (Vintage), won the Guardian First Book Award and the Frank O\u2019Connor International Short Story Award<\/p>\n

\n

\nSimilarity rank: 0.1\n<\/div>\n

Sentiment rank: -2.2<\/div>\n

\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n