Colbert put on a one-man show to try to recreate the congressional madness at Strzok’s hearing Thursday<\/b>
\nWith the World Cup in hiatus until the third-place game on Saturday, the biggest show on Thursday was FBI agent Peter Strzok\u2019s appearance in front of the House Judiciary Committee \u2014 which went about as poorly as you could have reasonably expected. And so Colbert, in a rare move, devoted his entire monologue on \u201cThe Late Show\u201d Thursday night to the occasion.
Colbert rarely spends his whole monologue on a single topic, but this was a special occasion, and one that required all of his stage talents to handle, as you\u2019ll discover in a moment.
\u201cIt was a parliamentary smackdown. The Capitol dome became the Thunderdome,\u201d Colbert said as he started getting revved up. \u201cAnd it\u2019s all during the testimony of FBI agent and man thinking about Cold Stone Creamery, Peter Strzok. Back in 2016, Strzok was part of the FBI\u2019s investigations into both Hillary Clinton and the Trump campaign. and since then it\u2019s come out that he exchanged anti-Trump text messages with his mistress, an FBI lawyer, saying things like: \u2018God Hillary should win. 100,000,000-0′; \u2018Trump is a f\u2014ing idiot’; and \u2018WHAT THE F\u2014 HAPPENED TO OUR COUNTRY??!?!\u2019 I don\u2019t know, but hopefully Robert Mueller will tell us soon.
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\u201cNow, Republicans see these texts as proof of a vast conspiracy within the FBI to stop Donald Trump from being elected president. And here\u2019s how devious, how deep they went in order to keep it a secret: they let him get elected president.\u201d
Then Colbert moved into the actual hearing, noting that, \u201cright from his opening statement, Strzok came out swinging.\u201d
\u201cThe Late Show\u201d then played a clip of Strzok condemning that the hearing was even happening. \u201cI have the utmost respect for Congress\u2019 oversight role, but I strongly believe today\u2019s hearing is just another victory notch in Putin\u2019s belt.\u201d
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\u201cAfter the last two years, I\u2019m not sure Putin has any belt left,\u201d Colbert joked. \u201cIt\u2019s all notch at this point. Then the grilling began, starting with questions from South Carolina congressman and Supercuts vampire Trey Gowdy. No matter how you feel about Strzok\u2019s texts, you have to agree it was fun to hear Trey Gowdy read them out loud.\u201d
Next, \u201cThe Late Show\u201d played a pair of clips in which Gowdy read two of Strzok\u2019s texts: \u201cTrump is a disaster,\u201d and \u201cOh em gee, this is effing terrifying.\u201d
Colbert: \u201cYou went on to say, \u201cWTF bae, this guy\u2019s thirsty af, it\u2019s lit fidget spinner, hashtag Ken Bone.\u2019 \u201c
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The highlight of the monologue came midway through when Colbert did his own interpretation of a big blow-up between the committee chair, Republican Bob Goodlatte and Democrat Jarrod Nadler. It\u2019s a scene that\u2019s difficult for me to recap since I don\u2019t know what a \u201cpoint of order\u201d is, and so instead I\u2019ll just refer you to the video of Colbert\u2019s monologue above and his one-man show version of the whole thing below, which Colbert kicked off after the show played the clip of their verbal conflict.
With Colbert playing both roles, whenever he switched he would look into a different camera. And the sequence went like this:
\u201cUh, uh, point of order.\u201d
\u201cThe point of order is not well taken.\u201d
\u201cPoint of order, and you must take my point of order and you must take it well.\u201d
\u201cSubsequent point of order not taken!\u201d
\u201cPoint of order pursuant to the previous point of order regarding the wellness of its taken-i-tude.\u201d
\u201cThe gentlemen will yield all of his points and all of his orders!\u201d
\u201cI appeal the pointed-ness of that order unto the objection, which I am holding in contempt of previous orders and points!\u201d
\u201cI appeal your appeal. Everything you appeal bounces off me and appeals onto you!
\u201cNew point of order: the chair will recognize that you\u2019re a big dumb stupid-head!\u201d
\u201cThe chair will not recognize your point, because this is what you look like: durr!\u201d
\u201cPoint of order: f\u2014 you!\u201d
\u201cPoint of order: no, f\u2014 you!\u201d
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At the end of the frantic bit, the crowd erupted in cheers and began chanting \u201cStephen! Stephen! Stephen!\u201d while Colbert tried to catch his breath.
Anyway, you can watch this whole thing and the rest of Colbert\u2019s 12-minute monologue on Thursday\u2019s episode of \u201cThe Late Show\u201d in the video embedded at the top of this post.<\/p>\n

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