The Democratic National Convention is an unwatchable mess. The GOP must do better.<\/b>
\nIt\u2019s kind of amazing. The Democratic Party has at its disposal pretty much all of the talent in Hollywood and yet their boring infomercial of a national convention makes watching tomatoes turn red look like the Super Bowl. Calling it boring is an insult to boring people who can at least be calm and soothing. The DNC is just flat out unwatchable. I\u2019ve been wondering why, and I think I figured it out. Among the myriad jobs I had in my 20 years doing theater, one of my favorites was being a stage manager. It\u2019s a great job. I wrote a joke about it once. How many stage managers does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. Said with deadly seriousness. It is the stage manager who makes everything happen when it is supposed to happen. A live event is fraught with potential mishaps. The stage manager gives everyone five and makes sure the lights come up. The problem with the DNC? They made it a movie when a convention needs to be a theater production. So here is a little free advice for the Republicans. First of all, in the name of all that is good and holy, there needs to be some kind of audience. I don\u2019t care if it\u2019s 10 people sitting in a Dairy Queen parking lot, we need to see actual people reacting to speeches and nominations in real time. I get it, Democrats are dedicated to the idea that we all have to live in hermetically sealed households with masks on until Trump is defeated. The GOP must send the opposite message. Feature the fan base. Elections are about the American people more than they are about candidates. Speeches shot two weeks ago in some Falls Church, Virginia studio won\u2019t cut it. It feels old, it feels prepackaged, it feels like turning the channel. Part of what people love about a live performance is that things can go wrong. An actor can go up on their lines, a gun (that\u2019s what we call lights) can flash out, an audience member\u2019s cell phone can go off at some critical moment. That is the titillating nature of live entertainment. Just because there can\u2019t be big crowds and balloon drops, although frankly at this point there probably should be, doesn\u2019t mean the Republican convention can\u2019t pop. Do live Q and A\u2019s with voters, feature socially distanced watch parties, bring us in. We are a body politic, not a nation of pod people who order from Amazon and are careful not to touch our faces. We need a little action, man. We also need some joy. The Democrats\u2019 convention message thus far has pretty much been America sucks, but it will suck slightly less if Joe Biden is elected president. That should not be hard to top. Let us be proud of our country, show us a way forward that gives a glimpse of all of us in each other\u2019s arms again. Give us music, dancing, empty champagne bottles, and black bow ties undone hanging from bright white collars. The Democrats\u2019 convention, I\u2019d call it a sad spectacle except it isn\u2019t a spectacle at all, it is a bet they are making. The bet is that we are all terrified to go outside, so we are meant to take comfort in sleepy old Joe Biden telling us everything will be OK someday. Not only should Republicans take this bet, they should double down on the courage of the American people and their desire to let down their hair down, pandemic or not. Donald Trump is a showman, he\u2019s proved that time and again, and if he is to serve a second term in the White House he needs to put on a show. More than anything else, the Republicans must make this election that feels like no other feel more like all the others. We need fun surprises; we need smiles and people all dressed up with silly hats. What we don\u2019t need is John Kasich standing in an empty field lecturing us about how pure he is. Have Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham compete in a drinking contest, have Nikki Haley lead the country in a giant game of Pictionary. Something. Anything. Woody Allen once said of audiences, \u201cthese people\u2019s lives are straight lines, they\u2019re waiting for a punch line.\u201d And that\u2019s right. The Democrats\u2019 convention has been the bat mitzvah of the niece you don\u2019t like with a cash bar and a bland chicken dinner. The GOP can do better; it would actually be hard not to better. So let\u2019s do this. The country is ready for some fun.<\/p>\n