While the kickoff\u2019s official theme was \u201charmony,\u201d the real sell in icy Italia was beauty. The European nation\u2019s clothes, art, music, food and, yes, genetic gifts, were on full display. Not so much the millennia-old industriousness of the Duomo, Colosseum or Roman aqueducts. Giant, mechanical elements like those cost a lot of Euros.\u00a0So, Italy\u2019s showcase turned out pretty dinky.<\/b>
\nIt\u2019s molto bene to be Leo\u2019s girlfriend.
At Friday night\u2019s Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony in Milan, Italy, Vittoria Ceretti, the 27-year-old model \u2014 and Leonardo DiCaprio\u2019s twentysomethingth twentysomething \u2014 carried the Italian flag ahead of the host country\u2019s national anthem.
Beyond her obvious headline-grabbing potential (this was a fete that also celebrated the paparazzi), Ceretti\u2019s duty made sense.
The Italian Ceretti, if you somehow couldn\u2019t guess the provenance of her last name, was part of a runway-style tribute to the late designer Giorgio Armani, the Milanese fashion designer who died last September. Models strutted in wearing chic Armani suits in red, white and green. Everybody looked gorgeous.
Indeed, while the kickoff\u2019s official theme was \u201charmony,\u201d the real sell in icy Italia was beauty. The European nation\u2019s clothes, art, music, food and, yes, genetic gifts, were on full display. Not so much the millennia-old industriousness of the Duomo, Colosseum or Roman aqueducts. Giant, mechanical elements like those cost a lot of Euros.
Unfortunately Italy\u2019s showcase, like France\u2019s drizzle fizzle two years ago, turned out pretty dinky.
There was no earnest attempt to match the world-power might of 2022\u2019s Beijing Games or the 2014 Olympics in Sochi, Russia, which were huge, precise and militant.
Comparably mini Milan was mostly a series of repetitious, unimpressive dances. The performers didn\u2019t dance like nobody\u2019s watching, but like half as many people were watching than would be during the summer.
The first a-five-six-seven-eight featured statues of Cupid and Psyche from the Roman \u201cMetamorphoses\u201d skipping around other artworks looking for each other. Unlike dancers at Paris\u2019 2024 peculiar presentation, they did not seek out a m\u00e9nage \u00e0 trois.
Then three huge bobbleheads of composers Gioachino Rossini, Giuseppe Verdi and Giacomo Puccini \u2014 famed for their operas \u2014 bounced along while dancers dressed as colorful music notes, espresso makers, picture frames, chefs, Galileo and Leonardo da Vinci gyrated around.
It was a vision out of \u201cEurovision.\u201d
Next, that famous Italian Mariah Carey sang \u201cVolare,\u201d which segued to her rather less iconic new song, \u201cNothing is Impossible.\u201d She sounded great and didn\u2019t move a millimeter.
There was another choreographed sequence with hoofers representing cities and nature, or something like that.
And then, of course, came the Parade of Athletes. A choice that sums up the entire campy event well is that the Italian team walked out to a techno version of \u201cLargo al factotum\u201d \u2014 \u201cFigaaaro! Figaaaro!\u201d \u2014 from \u201cThe Barber of Seville.\u201d
I wasn\u2019t thrilled with the event dividing the parade into four towns \u2014 Milan, Cortina, Livigno and Predazzo \u2014 but it was the most widespread Winter Games ever and, thus, allowed more Olympians to get their moment in the sun. Or, rather, snow.
After that \u2014 whaddya know? \u2014 more dancing! \u201cWhite Lotus\u201d Season 2 actress Sabrina Impacciatore frolicked around the stage with mountain-town characters in a crazy production number about the history of Milan ski culture that wouldn\u2019t have been out of place on American TV in 1983.
A late, time-filling comedy routine featuring actress Brenda Lodigiani making big, dramatic Italian gestures, talking with her hands during a bit where her microphone wouldn\u2019t work, could\u2019ve been titled \u201cCost-saving Measure.\u201d
The highlight of the night was tenor Andrea Bocelli magnificently singing the aria \u201cNessun dorma\u201d from Puccini\u2019s opera \u201cTurandot.\u201d The moment had real significance, grandeur, tears and chills. Finally!
It sure looked like the ceremony was about to be over and that the torchbearers would light the cauldrons.
\u201cNo!\u201d the organizers said. \u201cLet\u2019s throw in a pointless solar-system dance and an anti-war dance, and have Charlize Theron read a quote from Nelson Mandela!\u201d
Call me old-fashioned, but aren\u2019t the best ambassadors for unity at the Olympics the world\u2019s greatest athletes \u2014 not the star of \u201cMad Max: Fury Road\u201d?<\/p>\n