“Folks, I can only run into so many schools and save everybody. If I could, I’d run into all of them, even without a weapon.»
The show’s Trump, as portrayed by actor Alec Baldwin, mirrored reality Saturday night by suggesting he would personally bust into besieged schools if it would improve campus safety in the wake of Florida’s Valentine’s Day massacre.
“Folks, I can only run into so many schools and save everybody. If I could, I’d run into all of them, even without a weapon,” Baldwin’s Trump said. “The guy with the gun wouldn’t even know what hit him.”
The actor said he would continue his unarmed rampage across the Pacific Ocean, and to North Korea.
“I’d keep running and running to North Korea, completely unarmed,” he said, in spite of Trump having threatened to take military action against the isolated nation. “I’d find Little Rocket Man, pick him up and throw him over the great wall of Korea.”
Baldwin’s return to the show follows a blustery Twitter rant the real commander-in-chief spewed Friday by demanding that SNL to bring back announcer Darrell Hammond to take over the fluffy blond wig.
The cold open continued to cover a whirlwind of news that refused to stop, even as the sketch show took a weeks-long break for NBC to broadcast the Winter Olympics from South Korea.
Baldwin reaffirmed Trump’s campaign pledge to manage the country like a business, even though that business turned out to be a Waffle House packed with “crazies” at 2 a.m.
He quipped that true to life, the staff is walking out in the middle of their shift shortly after addressing Trump’s disappearing circle of confidants at the White House, most recently Hope Hicks. The 29-year-old is expected to step down from her position as communications director.
“She’s like a daughter to me. So smart, so hot,” Baldwin said, lingering on the last word. “She resigned. You know, I hate seeing her go, but I love watching her walk away.”
“Boom bah, boom bah,” he said as he gestured about her figure with his hands.
The joke garnered some laughs, but mostly groans from the Studio 8H audience as it appeared to reference a 2006 interview where Trump jokingly complimented Ivanka Trump’s figure and said he would date her — if she wasn’t his daughter.
The only member of Trump’s administration that refuses to leave is U. S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who he lovingly nicknamed Mr. Magoo, according to a Washington Post report Wednesday.
“Mr. Magoo,” Baldwin said of the moniker. “Everyone loves it. ‘Stop. I’m laughing so hard. I can’t take it anymore. I resign.’”
Cecily Strong, as Hope Hicks, said goodbye to her White House peers during the show’s “Weekend Update” segment.
The cast member compared Hicks’ brief stint as communication director stint as “a semester abroad.”
She saved her most gushing appreciation for Trump’s daughter, Ivanka.
“It’s been a neverending sleep over,” Strong, as Hicks, said of her time with Trump’s campaign and administration. “One where you wake up in the middle of the night, and you open your eyes and you’re like, ‘Is that my dad’s friend in the doorway? Is he just like standing there watching us?’”
