New Year\u2019s resolutions have a high potential to fail , and that can make the end of every year a huge bummer instead of a celebration. Don\u2019t stress over resolutions this year, and try these forward-thinking alternatives instead.
Resolutions are frustrating because they\u2019re an \u201call or nothing\u201d approach to accomplishing goals. But making positive changes in your life isn\u2019t about the end result, it\u2019s about the process. That\u2019s why Jessica Estrada at Apartment Therapy is choosing to prioritize intentions over resolutions.
Intentions are about the present moment, not the shapeless, unknowable future. You stay focused on the how instead of on the pass or fail results. For example, if you want to lose weight, don\u2019t set a goal like \u201close 10 pounds.\u201d Make your intention to be more active, or be more mindful of your nutrition. Each day you can ask yourself \u201cHow can I be more active than usual today?\u201d Or \u201cHow can I eat healthier than I usually do today?\u201d The change you\u2019re after will follow. Plus, you\u2019ll feel a lot less like a failure because you get a fresh start every day, and if you ever slip up or fall behind, you have the opportunity to forgive yourself and start new in the morning.
If you want to be the change you seek, skip the quantifiable goals entirely and choose a theme or \u201cfocus word\u201d for your year. For example, Miranda Marquit at MoneyNing is making her theme \u201cgrowth.\u201d She\u2019s not looking for milestones, just asking herself \u201cHow can I grow in my life?\u201d And actress Zoe Saldana is making her theme \u201copen,\u201d choosing to focus on being more open about her feelings to others.
Themes are helpful because you can\u2019t really quantify or track abstract goals like \u201cbeing a better mother,\u201d or \u201cbeing a kinder person.\u201d Maybe your theme is something as simple as \u201ckindness,\u201d or maybe \u201cunderstanding,\u201d if you feel like you get angry at things too quickly. If you were surprised by the presidential election results, you can make this year the year of \u201cperspectives,\u201d and you can find a way to climb out of your echo chamber and begin to understand why things are the way they are. Take the word and print it out or write it down, then put it somewhere you can always see it. Maybe on your computer monitor, above your door, or on your bathroom mirror. It will serve as a memory peg, always reminding you what this year is all about.
Changing for the better doesn\u2019t have to be about you. In fact, the best way to change ourselves is often by doing things for others. Meghan Blalock at Who What Wear suggests you make a commitment to a person instead of creating a goal for yourself. Maybe you have a friend that\u2019s seen better days, or a family member who\u2019s struggling. Or perhaps it\u2019s a good time to start volunteering at that nearby community center or soup kitchen.
Making a commitment to someone doesn\u2019t have to be entirely selfless, though. If there\u2019s something you want to achieve, May McCarthy, author of The Path to Wealth , suggests you spend time with someone who has already done that thing :
Make the new year about others and you might be surprised how far it will take you.
Perhaps you don\u2019t feel the need to make any big changes in your life. That\u2019s perfectly acceptable, especially if you\u2019re already on the right track. Even so, it\u2019s still helpful to use the new year as a landmark on your road to success. Kelly McGonigal, Ph. D. , suggests at Psychology Today that you should look back on your favorite memories and triumphs of the past year. Think about all of the times you overcame hardship, solved problems, and came out on top. And don\u2019t forget to track your efforts too , and recognize how hard you worked. It will get you pumped for taking on challenges in the new year.
After you\u2019ve done that, McGonigal recommends you sit down and make a list of five things you think will be highlights in your upcoming year. The events on your list can be as small as you like\u2014fresh episodes of a favorite TV show, a trip, a new video game\u2014just make sure they\u2019re things you\u2019re fairly certain will happen. Expecting a raise, for example, can be exciting, but you\u2019ll be more disappointed if it doesn\u2019t happen. So, don\u2019t worry about lofty goals. Look back and realize how awesome you are, then think about how awesome things will be.
If you absolutely must have a measurable, quantifiable goal of some kind, think of something simple. Take your resolution, break it into small, achievable parts , then toss the resolution in the trash and forget about it.
For example, one of my big goals right now is to learn Japanese, which is a massive undertaking. So I\u2019ve broken it all down into approachable pieces. My only goal right now is to learn Hiragana, one of the Japanese alphabets, by the end of January. Then my next goal will be to learn Katakana by the end of February, then get into vocabulary in the spring, and so on. Eventually, the whole \u201clearn Japanese\u201d thing will happen. Maybe not by the end of this year, but that doesn\u2019t matter when you\u2019re making real, measurable progress toward your goals.
Illustration by Sam Woolley. Photos by greg westfall , Colleen McMahon , SJU , Jrwooley6 ,
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