We’re rerunning Richard Cobbett’s classic Crapshoot column, in which he rolled the dice and took a chance on obscure games—both good and bad.
From 2010 to 2014 Richard Cobbett wrote Crapshoot, a column about rolling the dice to bring random games back into the light. This week, can an enterprising soul make a fortune, or will the vagaries of adventure gaming in 1988 take their toll?
Gold Rush! doesn’t sound like it’s going to be one of the odder games from the Sierra On-Line catalogue; the company that after all gave us games like Manhunter and Leisure Suit Larry 2. It actually just sounds like, well, a pretty good idea. What better historical adventure could there be than leaving one’s life behind to take an all-or-nothing gamble on the California Gold Rush, a time of great change and great fortune? The Oregon Trail was a staple at schools for a reason—the call of the frontier still loud and booming, even in an era of planes, trains and automobiles, and many other memorable comedy movies as well. But then you play it. And in a word… whooooooooooooooooooooo!
The version of Gold Rush! Classic on Steam is a fairly heavy price reduction on what the original creators were charging, starting at $19.95 for a copy sent in a brown envelope and $59.95 for a “Collector’s Edition” in a handmade wooden box with a fairly ambitious goal:
“My mother grew up in a large eighteen-room house that she shared with her extended family. She was an only child, the last of a family line that stretched back to the Mayflower. The house had been in the family for many generations and needless to say was filled with innumerable family treasures. Upon my grandmother’s death, my mother being the sole heir, inherited the family home and all of its contents. Much has changed since those days when I could walk through that old house in Vermont, but when I get the chance I still enjoy looking at material that came from there. Some of the things I appreciate the most are the many wooden boxes my ancestors kept and used to store small items that were special to them. It is my hope that the wooden boxes I made for the Collector’s Edition of California Gold Rush will be kept and used in the same way.”
Indeed, and no doubt right beside them will be pencils lovingly stored in the head of Master Chief, and a pair of zombie boobs turned into a hat-stand. You’d think the helmet would do the job, but no. That would be tacky.
Reading about Gold Rush! you find almost as much mythologising of the game as the game tries to do about its subject. The description on the original website claims, “With three separate routes from New York to California, it’s like having three full adventures in one package!” Which is just adorable, as we’ll see, while the Steam page claims to be offering “the classic style of the original game, which delighted millions of gamers in the eighties.” Millions? Hmm. In the words of Wikipedia, citation needed. King’s Quest 5 in 1990 was a mega-hit with just 500,000, and Gold Rush! wasn’t even close to its level. Its tech was old, its design pretty weak in many ways, and most importantly, there was no puzzle where you hit a yeti in the face with a pie. Not even one. Talk about a poooooooisonous disappointment!
But, to give it credit, it was an interesting game, a pretty hefty one for the time, and a better looking adventure than its engine usually managed. Especially during the opening New York section and this actually pretty cool intro previewing the journey. (Ignoring the jingo-jangle bullshit of “A great AMERICAN hero!” of course, since Jerrod does literally nothing heroic during the entire story.)
The opening of the game is really weird. It takes place before the Gold Rush begins… specifically, about 15 minutes before, in which time our not-so-heroic Jerrod has to decide to seek his fortune, make his plans, arrange his passage, and get the hell out of Dodge before news that some people at the other end of the United States have found gold causes all prices to skyrocket and make the trip untenable. I have had sandwiches that last longer than Jerrod’s plans. Good ones, mind. Really good ones, with bacon and lettuce and salt and vinegar crisps in a large baguette that… no, no, I’m drifting.
Preparing isn’t as easy as it might be, because this is a Sierra game and Sierra’s motto was “WE HATE YOU AND HOPE YOU DIE A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE DEATH”. A vital object you need at the start is a bank statement, and you’d think that would be in your house’s stylish roll-top desk. Haha, no. It’s hidden on the outside of the lid, which has to be rolled down first. Because that totally makes sense. This reveals a random bank account number and tells you that you have $200. Then you have to look at a photo album full of apparent memories, in which there’s an essential photo you need to collect so your brother will “know it’s you” and then, filled with a sense of nostalgia for your childhood home, the place where so many memories were made, your connection to your parents…
…just type SELL HOUSE and give it to the first guy who comes along for $850.
And why do all of this? Because of a letter from Jerrod’s brother, Jake, written in obvious code, which you’re supposed to read and then realise you need to peel back the adhesive stamp on the letter to find a flake of gold that proves he’s struck it rich. Or possibly just had a very embarrassing discovery of iron pyrite, leading to an awkward moment when Jerrod shows up and says “Hello, brother! I sold my house and all my worldly possessions to get here! Why is ‘here’ not our new mansion, but a muddy ditch with a sign saying ‘WILL SERVICE YOUR HORSE SEXUALLY WHILE YOU WATCH: $1’?”
There are some really cute details in this part of the game. If you walk on the grass, you get ticketed by the cops and lose a point each time. There are always people wandering past, along with carts that will kill you, classic Sierra style.
