If you want to celebrate the National Day of Patriotic Devotion officially proclaimed by Mad President Snapcase, you’ll need a time machine: The proclamation applied to Friday, the day of Donald Trump’s inauguration, but was only published in the Federal Register, making it official, on Monday. That’s OK, if you joined us here at Wonkette for the inauguration livebloog, you probably observed the National Day of Patriotic Devotion with heavy day-drinking, the same as you celebrate every holiday. But let’s take a close look at what we were all drunkenly celebrating, even if we didn’t know it!
The proclamation was probably written by Steve Bannon and Stephen Miller, who also reputedly perpetrated Trump’s “self-written” inaugural speech, because there’s no way in the world Donald Trump would pull off sentences with even this level of complexity:
We especially like the line about how peace is impossible without prayer. Must explain why all those Scandinavian socialist countries that are full of atheists are constantly at war with each other, while the most religiously devoted spots in the Middle East and Africa are such oases of faith and peace. Or will be, once the unbelievers are put to the sword.
As the Atlantic points out, that stuff about American community doesn’t sound like Trump, who usually focuses on himself and what he can do to make America great again, because he makes the best deals.
