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"Tariff Man" (to the Tune of "Piano Man")

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President Trump has proclaimed himself a Tariff Man. With apologies to Billy Joel, I suggest we respond in song.
FILE – In this Aug. 28,2018, file photo, President Donald Trump speaks during a meeting in the Oval Office of the White House, Tuesday, Aug. 28,2018, in Washington. President Trump will travel to North Carolina on Friday, Aug. 31, to campaign for GOP congressional candidates in two highly competitive districts. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci, File) ASSOCIATED PRESS
…. I am a Tariff Man. When people or countries come in to raid the great wealth of our Nation, I want them to pay for the privilege of doing so. It will always be the best way to max out our economic power. We are right now taking in $billions in Tariffs. MAKE AMERICA RICH AGAIN
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 4,2018
(With apologies to Billy Joel)
I t’s nine o’clock on a Saturday
Your iPhone is glowing and bright
There’s an old man up Washington
Watching cable news into the night.
He says, “Let’s make America Great Again!
By slapping a tariff on steel—
And aluminum bars and on Japanese cars
Now, let’s make those foreigners kneel!”
La la la, di da da
La la, di da dum
So jack up that tax, you’re a Tariff Man!
Let’s make Americans pay
For the right to buy stuff from those foreigners–
We should make it here, anyway!
We grow lots of sugar in Florida
That we could’ve shipped from abroad
If it’s world price times three, grow it domestically
And make special interests applaud!
And the tariffs raise prices everywhere
And the jobs that they “save” cost a ton
We’d be better off if we didn’t scoff
At free trade, and just let things run!
La la la, di da da
La la, di da dum
Now Paul is a real estate contractor
He’d like to buy things for his wife
But he canceled a deal because structural steel’s
More expensive—it’s doubled in price!
And the firms are all practicing politics
As their businessmen fly to DC!
Yes, they’re spreading a problem called poverty,
And calling it prosperity!
Jack up that tax, you’re a Tariff Man!
Let’s make Americans pay
For the right to buy stuff from those foreigners–
We should make it here, anyway!
These policies concentrate benefits
And they spread costs to you and to me
These costs are concealed, but see, they are still real—
They are there, though they’re harder to see.

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