Look, if we’re going to do this, let’s all just agree to have some fun with it.
The key here is to start with the facts. The facts are important and are not in dispute. This is what we’re dealing with: There is a decent chance you read all of that and started groaning because you are tired of reheating things from decades past to turn them into bags of money. That’s fine. I feel that way sometimes, too. But I would also remind you that the Jump Street movies are fun and the Fargo television show is good and we’ve all been watching Batman smash robbers for our entire lives. I think it’s best to just accept it all and roll with it. Otherwise, you’re just the maniac standing on the shore shouting at the waves to stop breaking. Grab a board and surf or head back to the boardwalk. We’re having fun. And so, in the spirit of fun, here are a handful of good (and some extremely less good) casting suggestions for this upcoming movie. I do not know what it will look like and I doubt we could land the majority of these combinations but that’s the beauty of the situation: it’s early enough in the process that no one has to care about that. Anything is possible right now. Dream your biggest dreams and write them down. There’s always plenty of time to get bummed out later. Let’s go. Pedro Pascal and Paul Rudd Two charming kings, together at last. The best part is that each of them gets a swing at playing both a good guy and a ridiculous cartoon of a bad guy, which is something I really want to see. We know Pascal can do it because he just went huge as the villain in Wonder Woman 1984. And, like, think about Paul Rudd playing his character from Wet Hot American Summer but now that guy has two golden guns and a deep love of villainy. And now think about Pedro Pascal playing exactly the same character after they swap faces. You would see that movie. Everyone would. Vin Diesel and The Rock I’m sorry, but this is too funny not to include, in part because two of our beefiest action stars have already made movies together and allegedly hate each other so much, and in part because I will go to far greater links than this to include that picture in something I am writing. I want this movie to exist as much as I want a five-part documentary about the making of it to exist, which is to say “very much.” I also want to see the string of posts from irate muscle bros who point out that The Rock is substantially taller and more jacked than Vin. I don’t even care if the movie is good.
