If Batman can get superpowers just by buying cool stuff, so can you. Find out how to outfit yourself with an array of wonderful toys that will stop criminals.
So you’ve decided that the superhero’s life — that glamorous concoction of constant betrayal, underappreciation, depression, and occasionally substance abuse — is the life for you. Here are some products to get you started down the path to fighting crime with crime.
We’ve been a little picky about what’s included. Almost everything is available for purchase somewhere, at some cost. We’ve prioritized actual function over cosplay accuracy and eschewed devices that look cool but probably couldn’t be helpful except in the most extreme and narrow circumstances. (Hydroflight suits are a good example; it isn’t easy to imagine performing any meaningful superhero activities tethered to them.)
All of this nitpicking inevitably leads away from superpowers and toward James Bond-esque gadgetry, but if Batman is a superhero, why isn’t James Bond? If that question doesn’t start enough of a fight, ask yourself this: Are Jedi (outside of games and AR) superheroes? They’re undoubtedly supernatural, if that means anything, and more capable of heroism than half of the MCU. Besides, isn’t Mjolnir effectively a gadget? If it doesn’t count because we don’t understand it, that also rules out cell phones and smart toasters as gadgets for most of us. In any event, useful gadgetry is the closest most of us will get to superherodom, so gadgetry it is.Pyro Mini Fireshooter
There’s not anything practical about the Pyro Mini Fireshooter (or its larger namesake, the Pyro, which doesn’t seem to be available for purchase), but if anything will distract an opponent long enough to regroup or escape, it’s throwing a ball of fire with your bare hands.
The original Pyro became something of a viral sensation in 2014. Since then, Pyro’s maker, Ellusionist, has increased the fireball’s size while cutting the wrist-mounted device’s size in half. The Pyro Mini can be recharged via USB, triggered by a remote that functions up to 30 feet away, and fire two shots before reloading.
The magic behind the device is flash paper, a product made from nitrocellulose, which is most well-known as a finish for guitars and as guncotton, a replacement for gunpowder. The device also ships with some flash cotton, a more volatile form of nitrocellulose. The stuff burns easily, quickly, and dramatically and has been a staple of illusionists for ages to add drama and misdirection to an act as needed. Who can put drama and misdirection to use better than a superhero looking for an upper hand?Dragon’s Breath
Dragon’s Breath is another fireball-creating substance from the world of stage magic, made up of spores from a clubmoss called lycopodium. Like other fine powders with a propensity for exploding (including flour and sawdust), lycopodium creates quite a show. It can generate more voluminous fireballs than the Pyro Mini, but you’ll need a flame to ignite it, while the Pyro lights flash paper with a simple spark.
When lycopodium isn’t blowing up in your face, it’s causing jaundice and hepatitis when administered as a common herbal remedy. It also acts as a fingerprint-lifting powder and a lubricant for latex gloves and condoms.
For the aspiring superhero, though, lycopodium’s value lies in its propensity to explode when airborne and exposed to sufficient heat. The stuff is gone in a flash, so you’re unlikely to deal any real damage to a charging supervillain, but charging isn’t usually their style. Better to use Dragon’s Breath to distract while you reach down to pull the literal or metaphorical rug out from under them.Nanotech bulletproof suit
Superheroes’ uniforms often provide insight into the hero’s character (and taste), and it matters. Frank Miller had Batman shot to get rid of the old yellow oval and fully seat his outfit in the pulp/noir persona of the Dark Knight (whose suit was, of course, full of gadgets). Iron Man was Tony Stark in a costume (and a fantastic one at that). It spoke effortlessly of steel and tech and maybe a touch of Ace Frehley.
Of course, suitable outfits are not just for the heroes. Catwoman’s uniform evolved into a tight leather body suit, accessorized with a whip and a big ring as a front zipper pull. It was a costume in need of a safe word. But what if your persona needs to say «strategic planning» and «profit maximization» while at the same time repelling projectiles?
Garrison Bespoke’s nanotech bulletproof suits are functional and stylish. It’s not altogether difficult to imagine a superhero or his alter ego: corporate raider by day, C-suite bad boy by night. The suits use carbon nanotubes, a long-hyped technology finally finding its way into real-world applications, including bullet-stopping. The fabric is thin, flexible, and half the weight of Kevlar. Couple that with a notch lapel, narrow sleeves to emphasize muscle, and a hand-rolled cap to broaden the shoulders. You’ll look competent, experienced, and more than a little dangerous — no word on whether Garrison’s suits are intended for superheroes or supervillains.
