Live by Design is a weekly News24 column by Dr Helena Dolny and Mapi Mhlangu on mortality and the conversations around it.
A minibus full of primary school children. Imagine the energy and noise levels as they chat, laugh and/or quarrel as they ride to school. A bakkie hits their vehicle from behind. The minibus overturns and bursts into flames. The driver and 12 of the children die.
Condolences are sent to the families. People try to find ways, practical and emotional, to support the grieving families and soothe their own sorrow. Parents, siblings, friends, relatives, peers, teachers, medical staff, neighbours – so many people affected.
Yes, there will be an investigation checking roadworthiness, whether or not the minibus was overloaded, and whether seat belts were in use. The outcome might help prevent more such accidents in the future, but none of these actions will bring back to life the children whose families are devastated.
As parents, we do not expect to bury our children. We are meant to give our children roots to grow and wings to fly, and eventually, when our time of elderliness comes, they will bury us.
But grief is neither quantitative nor timebound. I noticed that the reports highlight the family that had four cousins traveling together on that ill-fated minibus. Another parent may have lost their only child, whom they conceived after years of trying.
The mantra of grief expert David Kessler is that «grief is as unique as our fingerprints».
