Dear Abby advises the daughter of a mother who seems to be having conflicting issues that is impacting their relationship.
Ever since I was a child, my mom has regarded me as wise, thoughtful and intelligent. She has confided about family issues, tensions at church and cheating at her workplace. Abby, I don’t want to be her confidant. Am I doomed to always hear her never-ending problems? She creates them herself by jumping to conclusions and suspecting everyone has ill intentions. While I understand this is to protect herself, it’s exhausting to listen to and to advise when I know nothing will change.
The worst part is that I can’t confide in her. She doesn’t understand my perspective. I don’t think she even tries. Our relationship is one-sided. Sometimes I feel like I’m her mom. She talks to no one else like this and refuses to go to therapy. I’m a senior in high school and plan to go to college. I don’t want to leave her like this. How can I help her? — CAPTIVE CONFIDANT IN IOWA
DEAR CAPTIVE CONFIDANT: The best chance you have of helping your emotionally dependent mother would be to start by helping yourself.
