Taylor Swift put together a whole collegiate staff for her album ‘The Tortured Poets Department.’ Here’s which professors are tenured, and which were let go.
Class is in session.
Swiftie University’s newest concentration in depressing poetry and shading British actors has finally revealed its distinguished faculty. Naturally, this newly instituted Tortured Poets Department will be led by Taylor Swift herself.
Swift has previously served as the Chair of the Department of Unhinged Easter Eggs, published a thesis on the effects of insomnia on broken hearts, and most recently, led a research team (including all three Professors Haim) to uncover the sociological urge to define time in eras. Now she’s in her Tortured Poets era.
As expected, Swift has enlisted some familiar faces from around campus to join her — mostly other literature professors she’s co-written with before, but there is a pretty surprising transfer from the athletics department. Every poet needs a muse, after all.
Now that the Tortured Poets Department has officially opened enrollment, here are the scholars who will be leading you through sad sonnets and vengeful verses.
As Department Chair, Swift maintains complete poetic license over the syllabus. That includes new rules of punctuation (state names must be followed by three exclamation marks) and abbreviations (“loml” is now an academically acceptable shortening of “love of my life”).
