If I were dropped in Jezero crater with a pressurized spacesuit, could I defeat NASA’s mighty Perseverance Mars rover in mortal combat?
Watching NASA’s Perseverance rover touch down on the Red Planet this week, it was impossible not to be struck by a sense of awe at humanity’s scientific achievements in our race to the stars. The spectacle invited us to dwell on our place in the universe — and the countless ways in which we reach toward even the most distant frontiers. It also brought to mind a pressing question. If I were dropped in Jezero crater with a pressurized spacesuit, could I defeat NASA’s mighty rover in hand-to-hand — or at least hand-to-robot-arm — combat? In the red corner we have the most technologically advanced robot ever to explore beyond Earth. It’s bristling with sensors, armed with a fearsome drill and a laser, fueled by a plutonium power system, and ruggedly constructed to withstand the harsh Martian environment. And in the blue corner we have me, a physically unremarkable representative of a species which likes to think of itself as the apex predator of the nearby planet of Earth. In reality, I like to think that Perseverance and I would be the best of friends. The rover is a peaceful scientific investigator, searching Mars for signs of ancient life. And it’s controlled by humans on Earth, which means it’s subject to a communications delay of up to 20 minutes. But to make things interesting, let’s assume that it’s been reprogrammed to use every tool in its arsenal for maximum autonomous lethality. I wanted to know if I stood a chance in such a scenario, so I called up Roger Wiens of the Los Alamos National Laboratory, who led the development of Perseverance’s SuperCam instrument and is broadly familiar with the rover’s capabilities. Wiens suggested that my best bet might be to flip it over “like a beetle on its back.” But given that Perseverance is approximately the size and weight of my first car — in a recent interview with Futurism, NASA head Steve Jurczyk characterized it as a “robot the size of a Mini Cooper” — I’d probably struggle, even with the planet’s weak gravity. One advantage I would have is speed. My fitness levels are deeply unimpressive, exacerbated by a year spent alternately sitting at my desk and rewatching old episodes of “Star Trek” from my couch.
