A reader is trying to figure out whether he’s willing to abandon exclusivity.
My girlfriend and I will soon be 30. We’ve been dating for two years, about half of that time exclusively. One night, we were spit-balling about our future. I assumed we’d get married relatively soon. But my girlfriend surprised me: She said she loves me, but she doesn’t think being in a monogamous relationship for the rest of her life will work for her. She said she doesn’t want to break up and she’s always been faithful to me. But she’d like to explore the possibility of opening our relationship to others — with our relationship being the primary one. This is not what I pictured for myself! Any advice? BOYFRIEND
I get being surprised. Your girlfriend introduced a major plot twist. But “surprised” is a reaction, not a considered response. Your job now (or soon) is to talk to her and figure out whether you’re open to an open relationship. Your answer may be no, but don’t dismiss the idea simply because you weren’t expecting it. Frankly, I admire your girlfriend’s honesty. I think you should, too — no matter what you decide. If more of us were candid with our partners about the challenges we face in our relationships, instead of bottling them up, we might make fewer messes down the road. Commitment is hard work. And sometimes, simply naming a problem can take some of the sting out of it — and lead to productive discussion, too. Now, we don’t know the specifics of your girlfriend’s proposal. Is she talking about sex or full-blown relationships with other people? How would your household work? Do kids fit into this picture? If you’re open to exploring these questions with her, dig in! If, after consideration, you decide that remaining monogamous is your preference, respond to her honesty with your own.
