From 2010 to 2014 Richard Cobbett wrote Crapshoot, a column about rolling the dice to bring random games back into the light. This week, an adventure into the known-unknown, back in time to a world of
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From 2010 to 2014 Richard Cobbett (opens in new tab) wrote Crapshoot, a column about rolling the dice to bring random games back into the light. This week, an adventure into the known-unknown, back in time to a world of text that still thrives atop four giant elephants riding through space on a giant turtle.
Officially, the PC has had several Discworld games: two episodes of what can best be summed up as Rincewind’s Scavenger Hunt (based on the novels Guards Guards! and Reaper Man, with the first not unfairly held up as one of the hardest adventures ever made), and the atmospheric Discworld Noir, which pastiched The Maltese Falcon and HP Lovecraft.
Beyond that, there’s only been two others that I’m aware of, both based on the first book, The Colour Of Magic: one straight-up text adventure way back on the Spectrum/C64, and a mobile phone top-down arcade thing that, ah, existed. Apparently.
Back in 1992 though, fans released their own take on the Discworld in MUD form. MUD of course standing for Multi-User Dungeon, unlike the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, who stands for nothing. And it’s still running, because otherwise this would be a very short column. Join me for a quick visit?
To be clear, this isn’t a game I already know, so please pardon any silly mistakes or obvious omissions or moments where I say something that’s long been removed from the game and replaced with the words «Only a moron would think this was still here» in 50-foot high flaming letters whose every belch of acrid smoke sounds like the word ‘Duh!’
We’re also going to be not so much skimming the surface of Discworld MUD as landing the most glancing blow, not least because any game in development for decades and based on a series of books with their own decades of history isn’t the kind of thing that anyone can get the measure of in a few hours by wandering around like Twoflower going «Oooh.»
Behold, text! Compatible with the greatest processor ever built… the Intel i7.
This is a full-on RPG setting with combat and guilds and magic systems and missions; minigames and quests and crafting and religions to join, with skills ranging from basic things like weaving to mastering the Agatean Tea Ceremony. I do not pretend to be an expert on this one. At all. Really, I’m just pointing an iconograph at it and trying not to accidentally burn the city down around me.
To get started, you can either play in your browse or by downloading a clientThe main page (opens in new tab) offers full ‘getting started information’. The web client that didn’t work for me but might for you. I used one of the downloadable ones instead. Touch wood, you’ll see the main menu. Torchwood, a bloody awful Doctor Who spin-off. Do not get these two things confused!
Hey, don’t look down on banged shins. They’re up there with killers like stubbed toes, leg cramp and man-flu!
The adventure starts in a special newbie area called Pumpkin Town, deliberately away from all the Discworld stuff specifically, though it wastes no time establishing a quirky tone. In the Equipment Emporium’s weapons department for instance you’ll find a sign reading «If you must run with the weapons, please run towards the door». This being a MUD, the parser isn’t as advanced as you’ll find in many interactive fiction titles, and there’s lag between submitting a command and getting the response back, as well as short waits during passages. Not a problem, but something to be aware of.
Going to Ankh-Morpork means starting at the bar of the Mended Drum, which readers of the books will know is a little like telling a cow they’re going to start their exciting abattoir adventure on the killing floor.
Pumpkin Town covers all the basics of play, including fighting, an introduction to the guilds (though they can’t be joined) and a chance to pick up some basic equipment like a sword. To leave, you go to the travel agent, who warns that you’re not allowed back later on, and then it’s time to head to Discworld proper.
At this point, you’d expect to arrive in Ankh-Morpork, effective power-centre of the Discworld and certainly the most important location in the books. And of course, you can! And almost certainly will! However, it’s also possible to head for Lancre, home of witches like Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg, religiously obsessed Omnia, darkest Uberwald where vampires and werewolves roam, the traditionally isolationist Agatean Empire, and more: D’reg, Djelibeybi, Ephebe, Klatch, Brindisi, Istanzia (the Discworld’s equivalent of ‘Mostly Harmless’ (opens in new tab)), Tsort, and Howondaland.
