Some of the worst holiday movies makes you wonder whether the grinch is really a Hollywood executive.
Holiday movies tend to follow the same strict recipe: a plucky child and their tight-knit family battle with a grinchy nemesis, sprinkled with a heavy portion of whimsical magic. With an undemanding audience who are only really after a warm feeling of nostalgia and mildly entertained children, screwing up a holiday movie is quite a feat—yet it happens every winter like clockwork.
Using data from critical review aggregation websites Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic, as well as user-submitted reviews from IMDb, we’ve compiled a list of the worst holiday movies ever made. It’s a lesson in barrel-scraping desperation, cynical commercialism and deeply questionable decision-making; less of a cozy fireside gathering and more of a bleary 3 a.m. dash around Walmart’s toy section.
The premise alone of some of the worst movies makes you wonder whether The Grinch is really a Hollywood executive. In Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, aliens kidnap Kris Kringle along with two earthling children in order to give the alien children a sense of fun. The already rickety plot of the « yuletide science fiction fantasy » descends into further confusing madness before order—and Santa Claus—is restored on Earth.
There’s also been a series of deeply unfortunate attempts to shoehorn the Nazis into holiday movies. In 1989’s Elves, a young woman discovers that the Nazis want to create a race of supermen by mating her with one of Santa Claus’ elves, while The Nutcracker in 3D features a distasteful Holocaust motif.
The fact that holiday movies are not the time or place to tackle serious subjects seems to be lost on an alarming number of filmmakers. Mixed Nuts tries to rouse the holiday spirit at a mental health crisis hotline call center, while the young protagonist of Jack Frost has to see his tragically dead father suffer the indignity of being reincarnated as a snowman.
Another oft-committed holiday movie blunder is the hammering home of religious and patriotic symbolism, driving the movie into a preachy, reactionary liturgy rather than demonstrating any of the love and generosity which they claim to be espousing.
These are the 50 biggest, juiciest cinematic turkeys of the holiday season, from murderous Santas to a grumpy cat.
50. Dutch (1991). Total score: 47.1%. Directed by: Peter Faiman. Written by: John Hughes. Starring: Ed O’Neill, Ethan Embry, JoBeth Williams.
Plot summary: To get to know his girlfriend’s son, a working-class good guy volunteers to pick him up from a prep school, only to learn that her son isn’t the nicest kid.
What the critics said: « Hughes, a man more prolific than Stephen King and less inspired than Aaron Spelling, has produced yet another forgettable project. This movie shouldn’t even be allowed on planes. » Desson Thomson, Washington Post .
49. Four Christmases (2008). Total score: 47%. Directed by: Seth Gordon. Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Vince Vaughn, Mary Steenburgen, Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, Jon Voight, Jon Favreau, Dwight Yoakam, Tim McGraw.
Plot summary: A couple struggles to visit all four of their divorced parents on Christmas.
What the critics said: « When will filmmakers learn that if you start with Bad Santa and finish with It’s a Wonderful Life, you just end up with curdled eggnog? » Ty Burr, Boston Globe .
48. Fred Claus (2007). Total score: 46.7%. Directed by: David Dobkin. Starring: Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti, Elizabeth Banks, Miranda Richardson, Rachel Weisz, Kathy Bates, Kevin Spacey.
Plot summary: Fred Claus, Santa’s bitter older brother, is forced to move to the North Pole to help Santa and the elves prepare for Christmas in exchange for cash.
What the critics said: » [Fred Claus] has apparently studied Elf and figured out everything that could have gone wrong with its fish-out-of-water Christmas fable. » Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times .
47. Free Birds (2013). Total score: 46.3%. Directed by: Jimmy Hayward. Starring: Woody Harrelson, Owen Wilson, Dan Fogler, Amy Poehler, George Takei.
Plot summary: Two turkeys from opposite sides of the tracks must put aside their differences and team up to travel back in time to change the course of history, and get turkeys off the Thanksgiving menu for good.
What the critics said: « Even setting aside the film’s disregard for time-travel paradoxes and genocide metaphors—trust me, you don’t want to wade into either of those— Free Birds just isn’t funny. » Alonso Duralde, TheWrap .
46. Unaccompanied Minors (2006). Total score: 46.3%. Directed by: Paul Feig. Starring: Dyllan Christopher, Tyler James Williams, Gia Mantegna, Lewis Black, Wilmer Valderrama.
Plot summary: A group of unaccompanied minors bond while snowed in at the midwestern Hoover International Airport during the holiday season and ultimately create a makeshift holiday themselves.
What the critics said: « Where’s John Hughes when you really need him? » Michael Rechtshaffen, Hollywood Reporter .
45. Ernest Saves Christmas (1988). Total score: 46%. Directed by: John R. Cherry III. Starring: Jim Varney, Douglas Seale, Oliver Clark.
Plot summary: Ernest is a cab driver in Miami and finds himself escorting a burned out Santa Claus around town helping his search for a replacement so he can finally retire.
What the critics said: « To say this is the best of the Ernest series is no great compliment, but there are enough knowing film jibes here, and ample seasonal tomfoolery, to keep a family in their seats. » Mark Ellen, Empire .
44. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009). Total score: 45.7%. Directed by: Steve Carr. Starring: Kevin James, Keir O’Donnell, Jayma Mays.
Plot summary: As the holidays approach, a shopping mall is taken over by a gang of organized crooks masquerading as Santa’s Little Helpers, so it’s up to a mild-mannered security guard to save the day.
